"If you're going to give everyone jump, you've got to give everyone things to jump over. And with all that jumping, people are going to get thirsty, so give everyone the ability to piss Gatorade. That'll make everyone too strong though, so they'll nerf it into Vitamin Water. This will cause everyone to feel like their ability to express anger is underpowered, so you've got to give them all guns.
Guns you say? Yes, guns. Anyone with arms, legs, fins, flippers, mechanical bits, or incorporeal form gets a gun. I know what you're thinkin, "But Bweezle, what about Morphling?" Fuck it; build it on a boat and let it float on top of his head. Why does everyone need guns--to shoot you and this idea."
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